I have the wonderful opportunity to walk with those who are at challenging times in their lives. Some are needing new perspectives. Others are confused about current life situations. How can this happen to me? What do I do now? I definitely don’t assume that I have all the answers but I do know that sometimes it takes someone to shed new light on old situations. Or maybe to ask the right questions. Or challenge a way of thinking.
The most refreshing of those that I encounter are couples that are exploring the new terrains of love and relationships. They have felt their hearts being gripped by the intensity of what is often described as love. These are the ones that make my dimly lit office alive and vibrant with intense discussions of who did what and why. “I don’t understand how he could…” And “does she really hear me?” It’s in these times we begin to investigate the landscape of personal histories and the authenticity of intent. When we explore we often realize that we are the sum total of the impact of our own experiences that have formed our beliefs. Which in turn influences our feelings and determines our behaviors. Even in this, we settle in on our heart’s deepest need to be loved and our thirst to be chosen. The kind of chosen where we can rest in the hope that the conditions of the choice do not change. As we so desperately try to get to this place, again we are reminded that each of us are incapable of loving perfectly. We cannot seek the kind of healing from someone who is also broken. Fragmented people can only make fragmented choices. Choices that are contingent upon us and our own needs.
At this point in our time together, hopelessness starts to make its appearance. Making its case to begin the processes of blame and resentment. Laying the groundwork for anger and unforgiveness. This is when I sit up in my chair and straighten myself to remind some and introduce others to a choice that has already been made!
We have been chosen by a perfect God who loves us perfectly.
Sounds simple. A little too simple to help with the complexities of relationships and love. But let’s just sit in the thought of an “already” choice.
John 15:16-17 “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, and so whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: love each other.”
When we are in love with someone, we interact with the world around us with a sense of security. We enter conversations with confidence and without interest in any needs being met. We know that we have the love and protection of another. It settles us and we give more of ourselves without the requirement of reciprocity. In other words, when we are full and have a source for food we can feed others freely. We meet them where they need most. No, this does not mean that all single people are walking around thirsty for connection and all of those in relationships aren’t. What I mean is that when you feel loved and chosen, you don’t seek it from another source.
Already being chosen by a perfect God settles us and we are then free to choose to meet the other where they need the most. We love more fully. We are no longer looking to be healed by someone who is sick. We know that perfect love can only be given by a perfect Savior. And He has given it freely. It’s already done. In that love we find healing and wholeness. We know that the grace that we receive in HIs choice humbles us to freely extend this grace to others.
As a result, we are free to choose one another. Free to choose peace. Free to choose the interests of another. Free to choose patience. Free to choose kindness. Free to choose joy. Free to choose grace.
All because our needs have been met by the One who has chosen us freely.
That’s Good Stuff.